THE RUINS

Chapter 1

Hal and Elaine were to be married up on the main deck of the galleon. Much to Bardin’s annoyance they had both insisted that he should conduct the ceremony.

“Why me?” he exclaimed, down in his cabin “This kind of crap is Kieran’s job”.

“I don’t think he’d be too pleased to hear you describing his spiritual work as ‘this kind of crap’, old love”, said Adam.

“Stop moaning Bardin”, said Bengo “It makes perfect sense to me, so it should make perfect sense to you, and you’re meant to be the intelligent one. You’re ship’s captain, and as ship’s captain you should be doing the wedding ceremonies”.

“Who invented these weird arbitrary rules?” said Bardin.

“It’s been a tradition of the sea for a very long time now”, said Adam “Longer than anyone can remember”.

“Kieran says you have to do it”, said Bengo.

“Stop scowling at me like that”, said Bardin.

“I’ll stop scowling when you stop moaning”, said Bengo.

“This is meant to be a happy occasion, Bardin”, said Adam “After everything we’ve been through in the past few years, a wedding at sea is a welcome piece of good news”.

“Yeah and you’re ruining it”, said Bengo to Bardin.

“Alright, I’ll do it”, said Bardin “But in return you’ve got to belt up!”

They were all anchored at sea, a short distance northwards of Magnolia Cove. The town itself was now out of sight, and the wedding ceremony was timed so that they could then set off on their northerly voyage once it was over. The weather was blustery and chilly, and the sky was patched liberally with metallic grey clouds, but it wasn’t raining, and that was the main thing.

The supply run to Magnolia Cove had left everyone feeling somewhat disconcerted. The excessively restrained atmosphere of the place had not been what they had expected. There was something eerie and unsettling about it. It felt as if everyone there had either been lobotomised or were scared of their own shadows. They had sailed away from it with relief, but there was a general feeling that they wanted to put as many miles between them and the town as it was humanly possible.

“I hope the entire continent hasn’t gone that way whilst we’ve been missing at sea”, Bengo had said, voicing the concerns of them all.

Everyone gathered up on the main deck. Elaine climbed aboard from the yacht, accompanied by her brother Nyx who was to give her away. She was wearing her favourite dress, an ankle-length orange chiffon number, which she used to dance in, all by herself, during those lonely years at the disused railway station on the west coast. Rosa had made her a coronet of painted paper flowers.

“You look enchanting, old love”, said Adam to her, gallantly, hoping inside that Bardin would restrain himself from any of his usual caustic comments.

“Take your hat off”, Bengo hissed at Bardin, snatching it from his head.

“Stop that, you’ll mess my hair up”, said Bardin.

“Oh dear oh dear”, said Bengo “Anyone would think you were the bride not Elaine”.

Fortunately Bardin’s sense of professionalism took over, and he read the marriage ceremony (which Kieran had written out from memory in his cabin) flawlessly. At the end though when he instructed Hal that he may now “kiss the bride”, Hal hesitated nervously, and Bardin had to snap at him to “get on with it!”

“I don’t hold out much hope for their wedding night if this is anything to go by”, Bardin whispered to Bengo.

Once the formal ceremony was over, everyone could relax, and many gathered around the happy couple to kiss them and pat them on the back, congratulating them on a lovely ceremony. Whilst all this was going on, Ransey had been standing portside of the deck, with a spyglass trained on the sea route they had recently travelled. He had had an uneasy feeling every since they had left Magnolia Cove. One which was so unsettling that he hadn’t wanted to voice it to the others in case it cast a blight over the festivities. That unsettling feeling was that someone from the town might try to track them. It had been extremely difficult for him not to want to rush the ceremony and the wedding breakfast along so that they could all get moving again.

And now, on the far distant horizon, his worst fears were confirmed. Two large ships had appeared like unwelcome mosquitoes at a picnic. Ransey stepped hurriedly over to Bardin.

“I don’t want to be a party-pooper”, he said, in a low voice “But we’re going to have to postpone the festivities. We’ve got unwanted guests”.

Bardin took the spyglass and peered back at the horizon.

“Shit!” he breathed sharply.

“If we get moving now”, said Ransey “We’ll have a pretty good headstart on them, but we can’t afford to hang about. I’m not trying to cause a panic, but my gut feeling is that they don’t want to come and make friends with us”.

Bardin pulled his whistle out of his coat pocket and gave a long sharp blast on it. Everyone stopped talking and turned to face him.

“Sorry, but I’ve got bad news”, he said “Someone is following us from Magnolia Cove”, a collective groan went up from one and all “As Ransey says, if we get cracking now we’ve got a good headstart, so we can’t afford to hang about. We’ll have the wedding breakfast when we get to a place of better safety, I promise you”.

“But where are we going to, Bardin?” asked Lonts.

For a moment Bardin was floored. They had all agreed to sail north, but that was in a very vague way. If they were to outwit their pursuers then they would need a more precise direction than just somewhere “up north”. Kieran stepped forward.

“I have a suggestion if that’s OK”, he said.

“Anything!” said Bardin.

“We head to the Loud House”, said Kieran.

“The Loud House?!” Joby exclaimed “What do we wanna go back to that rotten old dump for?”

“Because I doubt very much that any sane person will want to follow us there”, said Kieran “I know it’s not ideal …”

“You can say that again”, said Joby.

“But it’s for that very reason it might be a good place to shake them off”, said Kieran “We’ve survived the Demon Lands before, and we can do it again. We can lose ourselves up there, and eventually make it round the top and back down the western coast”.

“We’re wasting valuable time”, Ransey pointed out.

“Ransey’s right”, said Bardin “We can debate all this en-route. In the meantime it’s important that we get underway. Wagons roll and all that jazz”.

Once they were underway, Kieran called the yacht crew down into the dining-room on the galleon to fill them in on what all the issues were with the Loud House, leaving Dr Xavier to steer the yacht.

“There's no easy way of putting this”, said Kieran, sitting in Bardin's usual place at the head of the table “But the Loud House is a very odd place. No normal rules of time or logic apply there. Amongst other things it's a portal to Hell”.

Glynis put her head in her hands. Her memories of the Southern Land Mass, and the effect it had had on her, were still raw in her mind.

“Please understand”, Kieran continued “I wouldn't suggest us going there if I didn't think we could turn it to our benefit”.

“No one will follow us there?” Said Rosa, echoing what Kieran had said topside.

“It's extremely doubtful that they will”, said Kieran “Of course I'm not remotely suggesting that we make it a permanent base, just it would be a good place to shake them off, and then move further northwards”.

Joby came into the room, carrying two plates of rock cakes, closely followed by Bengo carrying a large teapot.

“You'd better eat these”, said Joby, setting the cakes down on the table “Adam's been having us churning them out for the past two days”.

Bengo put the teapot on the table, and then returned to the galley to fetch the next one.

“Normally, up until now that is”, said Kieran “I would suggest that you decide whether you want to come with us or not, but I think it would be better if we all stayed together. Safety in numbers and all that”.

“We wouldn't dream if splintering off”, said Elaine.

“Yes, how many more times do we have to make that clear?” Said Rosa.

The plan was to sail North continuously, by day and by night. They paused briefly only to allow the yacht crew to return to their own vessel. Ransey obsessively browsed the air-waves on the wireless set, but still could find nothing, apart from the odd trace of static. By one in the morning, Adam got fed up and went to chase Ransey out of the wireless room.

“Has anyone ever told you that you're a bossy, dictatorial old sod?” Said Ransey, in the doorway.

“Yes”, said Adam “Joby does, most days. I’m rather used to it by now”.

Chapter 2

The newly-weds wedding night was to be held in Woolly's tiny little cabin on the yacht. No one could say it wasn't cosy. Woolly was cheerfully making do with a camp-bed in the passageway. The other three girls had teased him that he could take Elaine's place in the big bed, but he had joked that he probably wouldn't be safe.

“It's not the most brilliant place for a honeymoon is it?” Hal smiled, as the two of them, post-coital, huddled under a patched blanket on Woolly's cramped bunk “We've even got the ship's engines running all night”.

“It suits me just fine”, said Elaine “I don't know what to expect at the Loud House though, do you?”

“Never been there”, said Hal “That was all long before I joined the gang. Adam, Joby and Kieran have never talked much about their first time there, in the very early days. I don't think it was a happy time for them. Pretty grim in fact”.

“Mm”, said Elaine “Like the old railway station was for my brother and I. Kieran must be pretty certain we won't be followed there, or he wouldn't have suggested it”.

“And it's clear we've gotta get away from whoever's following us”, said Hal “That was a bloody weird atmosphere in Magnolia Cove. Spooked us right out. It certainly wasn't like that when we were there years ago, when we did the Clowns Festival”.

“Ooh tell me all about that instead”, said Elaine, snuggling even closer to him “That sounds much more fun to talk about”.

When daylight fully came, there was no sign of “the mozzies”, as Joby called them, in the background.

“We must be in the vicinity of the Demon Lands by now”, said Kieran, chewing on a crust of bread as he stood on the poop-deck in the chilly grey light “I doubt they'll follow us up here”.

“I hope you're right”, said Hillyard, who was standing nearby “Will the old lighthouse still be there?”

“Well unless it's fallen down for some reason, I expect so”, said Kieran.

“I remember coming to fetch you from there”, said Hillyard “After your fight with Angel. Proper smashed up you were”.

“I know, I looked a terrible fright”, said Kieran “I hope he doesn't come looking for another round”.

“I'll lob Joby's rock cakes at him if he does”, said Hillyard.

As they sailed north they kept a reasonable distance from the coastline. The land they could see was barren and featureless. It was the kind of land where trees never got a chance to grow very tall, stunted and often bent double by the strong winds which usually battered the landscape. Any vegetation was usually of the somewhat forlorn, shrubby kind.

They all decided to pause for a short while, as a sort of collective “breather”, and to give the engines a brief respite. Hal came aboard the galleon, and bumped into Bengo and Bardin at the bottom of the quarterdeck steps.

“So how was it last night?” Bengo asked, bluntly.

“Bengo!” Bardin admonished.

“What have I said now?” Bengo exclaimed “I'm just showing a friendly interest”.

“No you're not, you're being a nosy bastard”, said Bardin.

“I am too much of a gentleman to go into detail”, said Hal, bashfully.

“I'm glad someone's got some tact and discretion around here”, said Bardin.

“Well you usually haven’t, that's for certain”, said Bengo.

Suddenly there was a loud noise from the Wireless Room. It sounded as if a pile of books had fallen off a shelf. The door flew open and Ransey stormed out, with a face like thunder. He thumped past the clowns, who all flattened themselves against the wall, as if to let a large bowling ball roll past.

“What was that all about?” said Bengo.

“He’s heading towards Kieran’s cabin”, said Bardin “I’m sure we’ll find out soon”.

Kieran was in the middle of sweeping out the room when Ransey appeared in the doorway.

“Ransey”, said Kieran “You look as if you’ve had a helluva shock, man. What is it?”

For a few moments Ransey couldn’t speak. He seemed to have trouble catching his breath. Kieran propped the broom against the wall and led him over to the sofa, seating him down, before going over and closing the door shut.

“This isn’t like you”, said Kieran, sitting down next to him “What is it? What’s happened?”

“Those morons back at Magnolia Cove”, said Ransey “They have contacted us directly, on the wireless set. They say it is in our best interests to return, that we are only deluding ourselves by fleeing from them”.

“Deluding ourselves? In what way?”

“Oh get this, it gets better. That we needn’t think we can survive without them. That we will need the safety of the Cove …”

“None of that makes any sense”, said Kieran “Unless it’s just monumental arrogance I suppose. I’m struggling to believe that it’s genuine concern for our safety”.

“No, it’s certainly not that”, said Ransey, wearily “It’s the same kind of arrogance we used to see back at the Ministry, when they would fool people that everybody needed them, that the world would be so much more terrifying without them. It’s peak gaslighting. I used to see it all the time”.

“But to what end?” said Kieran “What does it matter to them where we go? I could more imagine that they’d be glad to see the back of us when we left. Magnolia Cove these days doesn’t strike me as the sort of place which welcomes mavericks like us. They’d want us out of there before we had a chance to cause any trouble”.

“They want to assimilate us, Kieran”.

“Hm, like a cult. Which would explain the strange atmosphere back there, with everybody being very perfect and conformist, and acting scared of their own fricking shadows. Look Ransey, if it’s any comfort, they’re coming across to me as too cowardly to come pursuing us”.

“If they are a cult, you’re not tempted by them then?” said Ransey, teasingly, knowing full well that Kieran wouldn’t be.

“I never thought I’d ever say this, but the Loud House is looking more appealing by the moment”, said Kieran “If it’ll make you feel better, why don’t you disconnect the wireless set again?”

“I already have”.

“Thought you might have done”.

“I’d better go and tell Bardin what’s happened”, said Ransey.

“Makes no bloody sense at all”, said Bardin, when Ransey had come to see him in his cabin “Did they really think we’d turn tail and head back to them just because they’ve sent us a wireless message?”

“You clearly don’t understand that extreme level of authoritarian arrogance, Bardin”.

“Well Bengo will be surprised to hear that I suppose”.

“Do you want me to go topside and tell some of the others what’s happened?”

“No, word will fly round like wildfire, it always does. I think you should try and have a nap. You’ve been looking fagged out lately”.

“I’m not going to deny it”, said Ransey “I haven’t been sleeping well. That blasted town got under my skin”.

Ransey left the cabin. Adam had been loitering in the corridor outside, and came into the room.

“Is everything OK?” he asked.

“I think I need a good spanking”, said Bardin “Can you oblige?”

“Always happy to, old love”, said Adam.

“We're well out of it here aren't we?” Said Hillyard, up on the main deck, surveying the desolate landscape ashore “Is it me or does it seem even more bleak than it did before?”

“Seems about the same as it ever did”, said Joby “About as enticing anyway. Kieran'd better know what he's doing, dragging us all the way back up here”.

“Well of course he knows what he's doing!” Said Hillyard “I can't imagine he'd choose to come back here if it wasn't completely necessary. Frankly, I'd rather come back up here than back to Magnolia Cove”.

“Yeah shame what's happened to that place”, said Joby “It seems to be a trend these days. Zilligot Bay was going the same way”.

Mieps came down from the poop-deck to join them.

“Is there any chance of us going ashore to do some hunting?” She asked “I think the marshland here might be good for duck-shooting. Or has Kieran put a ban on it?”

“He doesn't get a say in it”, said Joby “I can't imagine Bardin's gonna object somehow”.

Chapter 3

The duck-shoot was to take place in the chilly grey early morning light. Breakfast on the galleon was called earlier than usual, and immediately afterwards there was a flurry of activity as the hunters got ready.

“Thanks for agreeing to this, Bardin”, said Julian, at the bottom of the quarterdeck steps “The old girl [meaning Mieps] has been desperate for a spot of hunting for some time now”.

“Well it will make a change from the poop-deck for her”, said Bardin.

“Aren’t you coming with us, or are you feeling fragile today?” Julian laughed, giving Bardin a couple of playful pats on the rear.

“Get ashore before I change my mind”, said Bardin, going back into the dining-room.

Up on the main deck the skiff was being readied to be lowered into the ocean. The horses were to be kept on board for the time being, as Kieran felt they might be spooked by the atmosphere of the marshes.

“We need to acclimatise them first”, he had said “Although in all honesty I don’t know how we’re going to acclimatise them to the Demon Lands”.

“How long are we staying in this area?” asked Joby.

“Hopefully not too long”, said Kieran “Just long enough to be sure The Mozzies aren't following us. I know there's no sign of them at the moment, but we can't afford to take anything for granted. Don't worry, I've no wish to inflict the Loud House on anyone for too long”.

“Righto”, said Joby “I'd better get on with feeding the goats”.

He went below deck and collected the bucket of scraps from the galley. As he was walking along the empty corridor he suddenly saw his father blocking his way, exactly the same as had happened during their last trip through the Horn Of Wonder.

“Oh no not again!” said Joby, pausing in his tracks.

“Jobe”, his father replied “What is this place? What are you doing here?”

“It's a ship”.

“What?! When did you join the Navy, and what happened to your face? How did you get that scar?”

“I'm not in the Navy, it's not that kind of a ship”.

“What's going on here?”

“Dad, you have to go back”, said Joby “This area's playing tricks”.

“What area? Where are we?”

Joby recalled a trick he had been told many years ago in his ghost-hunting days, about how you could get rid of a spirit or an unwelcome atmosphere by clicking your fingers. He put down the bucket, and did so. His father slowly evaporated. Joby leaned against the wall and let out a deep groan. Toppy emerged from the dining-room, where he had been taking advantage of the peace and quiet to wax polish the refrectory table.

“Joby, are you alright?”

“Yeah I'm OK, mate”, said Joby, straightening up “I just had a bit of a dizzy spell, that's all”.

“I mean, he didn’t frighten me or anything”, Joby related what had happened to Kieran up on the main deck “I can’t imagine my dad frightening anyone! I know he wouldn’t mean me any harm, but I still wish he wouldn’t appear like that. It freaks the hell outa me”.

They both listened for a moment, as the noise of the duck-shoot went on in the background, the distant bangs of the guns.

“I had a very vivid dream about me Mam last night”, Kieran said, eventually.

“Oh don’t tell me she’s gonna appear as well!” said Joby “I couldn’t cope with her. I already have to put up with Adam every day! What did she say?”

“Well like you I didn’t find it alarming, but I still wish she wouldn’t do it”, said Kieran “Said something like she wished she had been there to protect me all these years”.

“I can imagine that”, Joby laughed “The demons wouldn’t have stood a chance! Is it just this area then? Do we have to expect this?”

“I’m afraid we do”, said Kieran “But if we tell them to go back, it means there won’t be the risk of them getting trapped here”.

“Ugh, don’t say that”, Joby shuddered “I wouldn’t wish that on anyone”.

“At least we know your Dad and my Mam are harmless”, said Kieran “Very unlikely to give us any trouble. Let’s just hope Adam’s da doesn’t appear, or Julian’s mother”.

“Yeah, she was a right old cow by all accounts”, said Joby “Mine wasn’t much better. I’d rather see Dad any day”.

The landscape where the duck-shoot was taking place was desolate to say the least. Like arriving on an empty planet where no human being had ever set foot. Even Mieps - not normally someone to be easily intimidated - found it forbidding. It looked like the sort of place where one would expect to see dinosaurs thumping about, and pterodactyls flying overhead.

“I lived for too long in places like this”, she said to Julian.

“Well we're not lingering here, old thing”, Julian replied “Just long enough to bag a few shots”.

The “few shots” turned out to be a couple of bags full. Hillyard dumped them unceremoniously on the galley table when they got back to the ship. Adam stared at the collection of dead birds with dismay.

“I don't wish to sound ungrateful”, he said “But I can't say I'm looking forward to skinning and dismembering all these”.

“When did you get so bleeding soft?” Hillyard laughed “I expect you've cooked everything in your time. You've been moaning for ages about having to do the same old thing all the time”.

“I know old love, but …”

“Anyway I'll do all the prep tonight, so you don't have to bloody your delicate hands”.

Hillyard prepared the birds early that evening. He looked a grim sight whilst doing so, stripped to the waist and with his chest and arms splattered with blood.

“Perhaps he’s right, we are turning into a couple of old softies”, said Adam, whispering outside the galley door with Joby “I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of letting him know that though. He’d be almost as bad as Julian with his chest-thumping”.

“Well maybe we are”, said Joby “But I’ll bet you any money you like that he’d never be able to cook ‘em as well as we will. Hillyard’s cooking is diabolical”.

“And don’t tell Patsy about any of this”, said Adam “He’d assume we’re turning vegetarian, or start telling us what a monstrous pair of hypocrites we are”.

“S’alright”, said Joby “He can sit there having bread and cheese whilst everyone else has roast duck”.

“I have a feeling that won’t bother him”, Adam sighed “Anyway I think I will have to take one of the cookbooks to bed with me. It's a long time since we've done roast duck”.

Chapter 4

Kieran was doing a spot of astral projection. He found himself on a cool, sunny morning standing on the steps leading up to the Skirra Fludd Lighthouse, where he had sought sanctuary after the fight with Angel all those years ago. Seated in the open doorway, just up ahead of him, was an attractive woman with blonde hair. She was casually but tidily dressed in jeans and a crisp white shirt. Kieran recognised her as one of the guardian angels who had appeared at intermittent times over the years.

“You look in a lot better shape than you did after that tussle with Angel”, she said. with a mischievous smile on her lips.

“Tussle!” Kieran laughed “Some tussle!” He pointed at the unlit cigarette she held between her fingers “Are you trying to tempt me with that thing?”

“Just a little teaser joke on my part”, she said, in a soft, well-spoken voice. She fluttered her fingers and the cigarette vanished.

“Shame”, said Kieran, sitting down on a step “I was going to ask you for a drag!”

“I don't think Joby would forgive me if I tempted you back down that route. It took long enough to get you off the cigs in the first place”.

Kieran surveyed the view in front of them.

“The air is so clear up here. So uncluttered”.

“Perhaps that's one advantage of the Demon Lands”, the lady replied “Few people venture up here, and yet it's not all bad, as you can see. There can even be beauty in desolate places”.

‘What advice can you give us about the Loud House?”

“Just be on your guard, don't take anything you see at face value. Do spiritual protection on your friends. It is a place that plays tricks. Time can get distorted there for one thing, and it is a portal to Hell. But you already know all that. You've survived it before”.

“Have I done the right thing in bringing them here?”

“Yes”, said the lady “If the powers-that-be in Magnolia Cove had got you, you would all have been incarcerated below ground for many years. Possibly an eternity. Completely separated from each other”.

Kieran shivered.

“It has happened to others in your position”, said the lady “Sometimes it has taken enormous effort to rescue them. Some … well by the time we got to them, they were already mentally and spiritually destroyed”.

“What did you do then?”

“Scooped them up and taken them to the Great Beyond, wrapped them in Love. That's all we could do”.

“This may seem a silly question”, said Kieran “But why do they want to do these terrible things to us?”

“The regime there is completely soulless. They are shells of human beings. They want everyone to be as spiritually lobotomised as they are. Anything else is a threat to their control. It is as simple as that”.

“And they're afraid of the Loud House?”

“The Loud House is a spiritually dark place, and it is a place of unrelenting chaos and delusion. Nothing is straightforward or controllable there. They would be crushed in such a place, unable to cope with somewhere so completely random and out of their control”.

“I see”.

“You will have some help there. I can appoint another guardian. To put it bluntly, she doesn't have my full power, but she can help. She may only be able to help you rarely though. You may ask why I can't help you there. Well the Universe has to operate organically. If I came in waving a magic wand it would disrupt the natural order of things. I can help occasionally, point you where you may need to go perhaps, but I can't supply endless amounts of cotton-wool. At some point, Kieran, you will have to consider evolving up to my level”.

“I prefer being on the ground”, said Kieran.

“Well it's a thought for the future”.

“It's like being offered a promotion you don't want”, said Kieran, when he informed Joby of what had happened “I'm not ready for wafting around on The Other Side yet”.

“Would that involve you going over on your own?” asked a concerned Joby, standing in their cabin with a tea-towel slung over his shoulder.

“Absolutely not!” said an emphatic Kieran “That is non-negotiable”.

“Hm”, said Joby “Sounds very like Death to me”.

“It is of no concern to us right now”, said Kieran “We have more than enough to be going on with”.

“Yeah, including tonight's duck feast”, said Joby “I'd better get back to the galley. Adam's not enjoying it one bit. For ages he moans about having nothing new to cook, and then when he gets it he moans again!”

Adam's mood was appeased a little by Rosa donating a couple of jars of cranberry sauce she had found in the stores of the yacht.

“That'll make it feel Christmassy”, said Joby.

“Well the amount of work involved certainly makes it feel like Christmas”, said Adam, checking the stove once again. Bengo came back into the room.

“Ransey thinks we'll arrive at the Loud House tomorrow”, he said “So the Duck Feast can be a little celebration. We have to think of it that way”.

“Enforced celebration, oh great”, said Joby, enthusiastically.

“Yes it does have that vibe about it”, Adam sighed “But I don’t want to be a party-pooper, so we will try and have fun”.

At least Adam could be pleased that the roast duck, combined with Rosa’s cranberry sauce, was a huge hit with the diners, which included the yacht crew who were also crammed in around the dining-table. The only ones missing from the supper were the Evening Watch, comprised of Rumble, Shag and Mieps, who were having their own version topside.

“There’s nothing beats having proper real meat again”, said Hillyard, with great satisfaction “Real meat does you the power of good. It’s got protein in it. Peps you up. Does wonders for your sex drive too”.

“You don’t need any help in that department”, said Joby.

“Well I’m just glad I wasn’t in there for the slaughter of the innocents”, said Kieran.

“We’re not having any of that preachy vegetarian talk tonight”, said Julian “It’s not often we get to have a feast like this. Most of the time we seem to be living off fish, bread and jam, and rock cakes”.

“Thank you dear, we do our best”, said Adam.

“Yeah it’s not easy feeding you bunch of gannets every day”, said Joby.

Elaine felt it would be tactful to change the conversation.

“Is there any advice you think we might need about the Loud House, Kieran?” she asked.

“The main one I would suggest”, said Kieran “Is that you avoid any underground areas, like basements and cellars. When we were there the first time there were Reptile Men lurking down below, and I can’t stress enough how dangerous they are. Fortunately they rarely venture up into daylight, and I wouldn’t recommend being at the Loud House after dark in the first place. If we come across any entrances we should seal them as best we can”.

“I know this is going to sound odd”, said Rosa “But I’m actually very curious to see this place. Having heard so much about it”.

“Just be prepared for anything”, said Kieran “We might get lucky and nothing happens. We just see a load of old ruins, but I certainly wouldn’t take that for granted”.

Chapter 5

They spent most of the next day speeding northwards through the ocean. The weather stayed mild, and with the sun sparkling off the waves it was hard to believe they were in a region designated as the Demon Lands.

The sunlight faded as they got nearer their destination, and was replaced by a cool grey light. The first sighting of the Loud House came late afternoon. A large dilapidated building sitting right on the waters edge. The stone pillars at the front facing the sea were blackened, with dead ivy coiled round them. The interior of the building gaped like a large toothless mouth.

“It looks more sad than sinister”, said Elaine, standing on the rear deck of the yacht.

For Glynis, who was standing next to her, it reminded her too much of the entrance to the cave in the Southern Land Mass for comfort, and she felt goose pimples breaking out on her arms.

Over on the galleon Adam was standing on the poop-deck with Joby.

“I don't like being here again”, Adam whispered “Brings back too many bad memories of our first time here. When I lost control of myself and beat Patsy up so badly”.

“It was a very long time ago, Ad”, said Joby, touching Adam's arm “Anyway, knowing Kieran, he probably quite enjoyed it!”

“Oh now Joby”.

“It's true though, all that Catholic penance and punishment, he can't get enough of it. Loves it”.

“You are a little devil”.

“A little divvil”, said Joby, imitating Kieran.

Kieran made two rules regarding the Loud House, that no one should roam about there in groups of less than three, and that no one should go ashore after dark. So it was left until the following morning before the skiffs were lowered and they ventured ashore.

“It don’t seem to have changed much”, said Joby, as he wandered down a stone passage and into the inner quadrangle of the house. He was accompanied by Hillyard and Kieran. Hillyard was strolling with his hands in his pockets, looking like a bored tourist being dragged reluctantly around A Site Of Great Interest.

“Still a depressing dump you mean?” said Hillyard.

On all four sides of the quadrangle were arranged symmetrical windows and doorways on two levels, each one gaping open to the elements and each one blind and dark.

“We must’ve been nuts to stay here before”, said Joby.

“From what I remember we didn’t have much choice”, said Kieran “We were desperate for shelter. It was either here or out on the marshes”.

Joby pointed to one of the corners.

“There was some old bird standing there who’d aged a 100 years in one night”, he said.

“A right little trip down Memory Lane this is turning into”, said Hillyard.

“We had to bury Angel somewhere round here”, said Kieran, looking round him almost in a dreamlike fashion.

“Yeah, shame he didn’t stay buried”, said Joby.

“HEY!” Lonts’s voice boomed out behind them.

He appeared out of the stone corridor, looking somewhat incongruous with Snowy, his teddy bear, tucked under his arm.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” said Joby.

“Lonts, I made it very clear that no one was to wander round this place on their own”, said Kieran.

“I know, Kieran, but I saw you all heading this way and I wanted to come and join you, in case you needed protection”, said Lonts.

“And what are you gonna do?” said Joby “Bash some demons with Snowy?”

“That’ll do, Joby”, said Kieran, softly “You’d better stay with us, Lonts, but I do mean it when I say no one should wander around here on their own. If someone were to go down one of these side passages we might never see them again”.

“I’m not saying a word”, said Joby.

Lonts came over to them, and they all stood in the centre of the mossy, overgrown quadrangle.

“I wonder what this place was originally used for”, said Hillyard, glancing up at the upper storey “I mean it must have been built for some purpose or other”.

“Its original purpose must have long since vanished into the mists of time”, said Kieran “At some stage though it became a vampire refuge, like the Winter Palace, and they gradually destroyed it”.

“They’re good at that”, said Joby.

The girls from the yacht had decided not to go inside the building, but had walked a short way along the front to the side of the house on the east side. Here marshes and scrubland veered off, almost featurelessly, into the far distance, apart that is from an abandoned well set into the ground.

“I haven’t heard a single sound since we got here”, said Elaine, as they strolled towards it “Apart from the ones we make ourselves”.

“Even the sea is quiet”, said Jane “There’s no tide, it just laps at the edge fo the land”.

“No animals or bird life”, said Rosa “I don’t think there will be any more duck shoots round here”.

“Why do animals desert places like this?” asked Jane.

“Something they sense that we don’t”, said Rosa “Dogs, cats and horses can be very sensitive and psychic. A cat will sense an earthquake before humans do. Some people back in Zilligot Bay kept cats just for that reason”.

They approached the well and leaned over. Each one of them gave a start of surprise.

“Oh my God”, said Elaine “There’s someone down there!”

Far below them , at the waterless base of the well, was an emaciated naked man, manacled to the bare stone wall of the cave. When he looked up and saw them all peering down at him he gave a shout.

“Get me out of here!” he yelled.

“Who are you?” Jane called down.

“GET ME OUT OF HERE!” he yelled again, sounding even more desperate “I’ve been down here for many, many years!!”

Rosa pulled back slightly, as though gathering her thoughts. She then leaned back over the edge of the well.

“So how have you have been surviving all this time?” she said.

“What’s wrong with you?” the man roared, consumed with anger “You want to quiz me about how I’ve been living when I’m trapped down here?”

“You say you have been down there a long time”, said Rosa “Well someone must have been giving you food”.

“I can’t see any remains of anything”, said Elaine “The floor of the well is completely smooth”.

In frustration the man yanked at the manacles, but they held firm.

“You women have ice in your veins!” he roared “Can’t you see I need help?”

“I don’t believe you are real”, said Jane.

The other three women looked at her in surprise.

“Well I don’t”, said Rosa, almost with a casual shrug “It doesn’t make any sense. He says he’s been down here for many, many years, but there’s no sign of any sustenance. No sign of anything. He’s not even peed himself. There are no pee stains on his legs or on the floor or anywhere”.

Jane couldn’t help giving a gasp of laughter at this.

“We can always rely on you to be practical, Rosa”, she said.

“Years of cleaning the men’s loos back at the Driftwood made me experienced in such things”, said Rosa “Anyway, Kieran warned us to beware of everything we see here”.

“I think we should go and find Kieran”, said Glynis.

“There’s a bleedin’ horrible smell around here”, said Joby, as he and the other three headed towards exit of the quadrangle on the northern side “Smells like bad drains or a blocked loo”.

“No surprise there”, said Kieran “Demons love anything scatological. Remember what they did to me at the Yellow Palace?”

“They’d better not try that again here”, said Hillyard, robustly.

They exited via an archway which led out onto the vast expanse of marshes at the rear of the building.

“Where the hell did that spring from?” said Joby.

A short distance away, surrounded by barren landscape, stood a large, ugly, three-storey building, perfectly rectangular in shape, with no windows, and which appeared to be made out of a particularly dreary shade of dark grey stone.

“I don’t remember that being there before”, said Joby.

“Looks inviting doesn’t it?” said Hillyard.

“We’re not going to visit it are we, Kieran?” asked Lonts.

“Probably not recommended”, said Kieran.

“It’s like a big, ugly sealed box”, said Joby.

“That’s probably what it is”, said Kieran.

“Hey!” Rosa called out, leading the pack of girls over to them “Come and have a look. There’s a man down a well over there, but I don’t think he’s real. I’d like your opinion”.

Kieran and Co followed the women back to the well. When they reached it they found that it was empty. There was no sign of the man, or anything else for that matter.

“And the manacles have gone”, said Glynis, pointing downwards “He was chained to the wall”.

“There seems to be some kind of tunnel leading off from the bottom”, said Kieran.

“Maybe, but I don’t see how he could have got easily through that”, said Glynis “Unless he crawled I suppose, and even so what has happened to the manacles? Even if he’d managed to pull them from the wall in the brief few minutes we came to find you, there would have still been SOME trace of them”.

“Rosa’s right”, said Kieran “I don’t think he was real. We have to expect some of that round here, which is why I don’t want anyone wandering off on their own. There’s no limit to the tricks that a place like this can pull”.

The clowns were standing at the front of the house, looking pensively up at the forbidding surface of it. Bengo had wandered away a few feet, and was staring at a barred dark window which was set low in the wall.

“You were told not to wander off!” said Bardin, rustling over to him bossily.

“Oh do me a favour”, said Bengo “I’m standing a few feet away, in full view of you. This looks like some kind of prison cell. I wonder what it was used for”.

“Probably for incarcerating stupid clowns”.

“Well you’d fit in it then!”

“Oh ha ha!” said Bardin.

Chapter 6

Much to H's delight, Bardin suggested after lunch that they should take the air-buggies up over the strange new building and the marshes. H never needed much encouragement when taking the air-buggies up, even if it meant flying over the Demon Lands. H was to fly one buggy, and Hillyard the other one.

They flew as low as they could over the area. Up close the strange new building didn’t appear any less forbidding.

“There are no windows or chimneys”, said Rosa, who was sitting in the passenger seat of H’s buggy “It’s like a featureless lump of concrete”.

“But with doors though”, said H “One big one at the front and a couple of smaller ones at the back”.

The only sign of life (if you could technically call it that) came at the huge expanse of scrubland to the rear of the house. Two bodies lay sprawled a fair distance apart. It was apparent that they had been there for quite some time, and the corpses had been well picked apart by vultures or any other kind of ravening beast.

“Poor buggers”, said Hillyard, flying the second buggy, accompanied by Ransey, Kieran and Joby “I wonder what they were doing here. Did they stray up here? Were they nomads, travellers?”

“They were dumped here”, said Kieran, quietly “That’s the feeling I get anyway”.

“Dumped from where?” said Joby “They look like they were dropped from an air-buggy”.

“That might have been the case originally”, said Kieran “But I think someone, or something, dragged them out there from the house”.

“What is this fucking place?” Joby growled.

“I think you know, Joby”, said Kieran “It’s a demonic hideout, although I’m reluctant to call it that as I don’t think it’s limited to just demons. Probably find vampires and God knows what else there as well”.

“A right rat’s nest infestation of monsters”, said Joby, soberly.

That evening they moved the boats slightly further off from the shore, and the night-watch was doubled. After supper the yacht crew sought sanctuary on the galleon.

“I hope you don’t think we’re being a bunch of silly wimps”, Elaine said to Bardin, at the bottom of the quarterdeck steps “But we just feel it would be better if we stayed on here. Just for tonight”.

“Had enough of married life already eh?” said Bardin.

“Bardy!” Bengo exclaimed “Don’t be such a tosser!”

“It Was A Joke”, said Bardin “Get back in your kitchen, clown”.

“S’OK, I knew you were quipping”, said Elaine, once Bengo had flounced back into the galley.

“Sometimes you have to make allowances for Bengo”, said Bardin “He can be a bit slow on the uptake when it comes to jokes. Often he couldn’t understand why people were laughing. I think that was one of his great strengths as a clown. He was usually the last one to get the joke. The audience often thought it was part of his act, but he genuinely was like that”.

“Well yes”, said Elaine “I’ve known comedians who tried too obviously to ram jokes across, and then they’d fall like a lead balloon”.

“Never a problem Bengo had”.

Joby found Kieran lying on the bunk in the cabin. Kieran was not looking well.

“You alright, mate?” said Joby, leaning over the bunk.

“I’ve got toothache”, said Kieran, putting his hand to the side of his face “Hurts like the very devil”.

“Oh you poor sod”, said Joby “Hang on, I’ll get you a damp cloth. The water in the jug should be quite warm, it’s been standing there all day, so that’ll help. Did it just come on?”

“Came on when we got back from the flight”, said Kieran “Suddenly started throbbing like hell”.

Joby soaked a face flannel in tepid water from the shaving jug. He then rinsed it out, bunched it up, and placed it gently against Kieran’s cheek.

“Just hold it there for a few minutes”, said Joby “That should help draw some of the pain out”.

“Between you and me”, said Kieran “I think I’m under psychic attack. Random pain can be a part of that. I remember when Adam got hexed years ago, when we were staying at that strange hotel after leaving the desert island. He was very ill for a couple of days. I know a toothache isn’t going to sound like much of an attack …”

“Do me a favour”, said Joby “Toothache is the buggering pits. I got bad toothache once after having a new filling put in. The pain when the anaesthetic wore off was a total bastard, made my whole head throb. I thought I was gonna go mad with it. Do you think it’s those buggers over on the shore?”

“Most likely”, Kieran nodded “We haven’t exactly been inconspicuous since we got here, although there’s no other way to be. And they must be well aware I’m here”.

“Sounds like they’re trying to get you out of the way. Incapacitate you”.

“That may be part of it. If I’m lying here wracked with pain I’m not likely to go poking my nose in at that weird new building. Psychic attacks can be very strange things. I heard of a feller once who was the victim of one, and all his teeth fell out at once”.

“Bloody hell”, said Joby, refreshing the cloth “I hope that don’t happen to you”.

“I know that wee Tamaz is worried they might attack him again. That’s why he won’t go topside, even though I’ve offered to stay with him up there”.

“Adam said he found him sitting in the dining-room whilst we were out, wearing his sunglasses. Ad said it took him ages to persuade him to take them off”.

“Poor Tamaz”, said Kieran “Try not to tell him about my toothache, or if you do just say it’s toothache. Say I bit on something hard or something like that. If he knows I’m under attack it might panic him even more”.

“What else can we expect from this attack?”

“It could be anything”, said Kieran “Random pains like this. Tiredness. Skin rashes. Nightmares. Things breaking. I’m going to be praying like mad for the next few hours”.

“Is there anything I can do? Other than just putting damp flannels on you I mean?”

“Just be here. Come the morning I might have one of Bardin’s salt baths. They can be good protection”.

The yacht crew were to spend the night in the dining-room. The large mess table was pushed back against the wall, and armchairs were brought in from the cabins. Spare blankets were also dug out.

“How are they getting on in there?” asked Kieran, when Joby came to check up on him.

“Fine”, said Joby “Looks like a bunch of travellers stranded in a snowbound airport departure lounge”.

“Well as long as they’re alright with it”.

There was a gentle tap on the cabin door. Joby went over to answer it, and found Finia standing outside.

“I need to speak to Kieran”, said Finia, in his soft voice.

“Come in mate”, Joby ushered him in and closed the door behind him.

Finia went over to the bunk and peered closely at Kieran.

“You’re under attack aren’t you?” he said “Don’t ask me how I know, but I can tell. I used to see this sort of thing back in Husgalonghi”.

“I want to be careful about this getting out”, said Kieran “I don’t like keeping things from people, but there’s no need to cause undue anxiety at this time”.

Finia didn’t reply. Instead he raised his hands and held them, palms down, over different parts of Kieran’s face and body. Occasionally he ran them up and down, like a concert pianist flexing his fingers before a recital. This went on for a few minutes. At the end he simply dropped his arms back to his sides again.

“I will be in again in the morning”, he said “I will keep doing this several times a day until you’re better”.

He then winked at Joby and left the room.

In some perverse way Kieran had been hoping that the pain from the toothache might at least get so bad that he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He knew that, in spite of his own prayers and Finia’s administrations, he would be subjected to nightmares. And that was exactly what turned out to be the case. Or to be more precise, he was taken on an involuntary astral trip.

He found himself inside the grim new building. It was a maze of long corridors and random stairways. There didn’t seem to be much in the way of actual rooms, at least not on the ground floor that Kieran found himself on. There was one large cavernous alcove which led off the main hall, and what seemed to be a particularly forbidding dining chamber alongside a corridor, but otherwise the house was laid out like an intricate maze. The only illumination came from the occasional dim light of a candle stub stuck on a table. The darkness was so intense at times that it seemed to take on a life force of its own, as if it was about to rear up from a corner like a nebulous phantom. Occasionally he heard a scuttling sound as if someone was scrambling to get out of sight around a corner, and at one stage he thought he saw a pale rounded shape like a blurry face peering around a doorway. To add to the unsettling eerieness the place was infested with Black Widow spiders. They seemed to hang from everywhere, and Kieran’s scalp tingled with the sight of them.

“My dear Lord Jesus Christ”, he muttered under his breath “Please get me out of this infernal place”.

He repeated this mantra over and over again.

Suddenly a woman appeared from a doorway and beckoned to him. Kieran recognised her as one of the guardian angels who occasionally assisted the Blonde Lady. This one bore a slight resemblance to Jane in that she had curly red hair. She was also wearing a pink satin jacket.

“Come with me”, she said, and led him down another corridor.

At the end was a rickety man-sized gate which led to a very old-fashioned elevator. The woman pulled him into the confined space and clanged the gate shut. She pressed a button and the lift shot upwards.

“Hold onto me”, she instructed him, and the two held each other in a close embrace as the lift hurtled up through the top of the building and into the night sky.

The next thing Kieran knew he was lying back in his bunk, and a chilly dawn light was gently coming in through the porthole.

“Oh sweet Jesus”, Kieran muttered, and sent up a prayer of thanks for his safe return. *

“Thank God she got you out”, said Joby, when Kieran told him about his nocturnal adventures “I don’t like this, Kiel”.

“I can’t say it was a pleasant experience for me either”, said Kieran.

“What if she hadn’t appeared? What if you were stuck over there?”

“I suspect you lot would have come and rescued me, or at least I’d hope you would! Anyway, that’s not the point, she did rescue me, and that’s all that matters. I am eternally grateful to her”.

“I hope they don’t try again tonight”, said Joby.

“Tonight is a long way off yet. I’m going to take precautions between now and then”.

Chapter 7

Kieran asked for the hip bath to be brought into his cabin, and poured in some salt powder. He also asked for a bottle of red wine. Adam and Hillyard had been brought into the secret. HIllyard so that he could help with any practicalities, and Adam because he would make their lives a misery if he later found out that they’d kept it all from him.

“Are you sure you’re not having us all on?” Hillyard joked, as Kieran lounged back with a glass in his hand.

“I wish I was”, said Kieran, wincing as he laughed “How did everyone else sleep?” “I haven’t heard any complaints”, said Hillyard “And the night-watch haven’t reported anything out of the norm, not even you flying through the air! But at some point we’re going to have to tell Bardin. It’s only fair, he is the captain after all”.

“I know”, said Kieran, taking a sip of the wine “But he’s got enough to think about at the moment. But you’re right, he is in charge, he has a right to know”. “

How’s the tooth pain now?” asked Hillyard.

“The wine is helping a lot”.

“Good stuff is it?”

“Well our Lord did turn water into wine, not the other way round!”

Taking advantage of the healing qualities of the red wine for a little while, Kieran wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and went up on deck afterwards. He knew that the pain would come back shortly, and wanted to make the most of the brief respite. The light was very strange topside, more like dusk than late morning. There was a mellow golden sunlight, like a pleasant August evening.

“Kieran!” Elaine called out, beckoning him over to the port side “Come and see this”.

Kieran walked over to where she had been leaning against the bulwark. The Loud House had transformed. Instead of the ruins there was an intact building, with a large stone terrace running along in front. Warm candlelight blazed invitingly from the interior. On the terrace were arranged a couple of squashy sofa’s, with cosy blankets draped over them. All over the doors and windows were arranged large banks of colourful flowers.

“It’s not real is it?” Elaine whispered.

“No I’m sorry, it’s not”, said Kieran “It’s a mirage. Very likely a trap”.

“What a shame”.

Several of the others were up on deck, also gazing in a pensive manner at the house. To Kieran’s relief though no one showed any sign of wanting to go ashore and investigate it.

“I’ve heard them talking”, said Elaine, as if reading his thoughts “They all know what it is”.

Kieran raised his arms and clapped his hands. The fantasy Loud House faded slowly, as if disappearing into a heat haze. In its place gradually appeared the real house, in all its decay.

“That was extraordinary”, said Elaine “Whatever it is, I’m glad I saw it”.

“There was reputedly a ghost house like this back in my time”, said Kieran “It would appear randomly, looking very inviting and homely, with candlelight in the rooms, and a swing-seat on the porch. But the legend was that anyone who went inside it was never seen again”.

“It would seem I’m now going quite Biblical”, said Kieran, a few hours later.

He was lying on his bunk, with Joby standing by him.

“I’m breaking out in boils”, Kieran explained “I’ve got one on my chest, one in my armpit, and one …” he pointed down to his pelvis.

“Kiel, I don’t like this at all”, said Joby “What the fuck are they gonna do to you next? Can’t we get out of here? There must be other places we can go where those buggers in Magnolia Cove can’t get us”.

“Very likely”, said Kieran “Particularly if we keep heading north. I strongly suspect they won’t follow us up here into the Demon Lands. There’s been no sign of us being pursued”.

“So let’s get away from here”, said Joby “As you said, as long as we keep going north. And then we can go round up over the top, and down the west coast. OK, I don’t particularly wanna see Henang Prison again, but anything’s gotta be better than staying round here”.

“I need a wee bit of time to think”, said Kieran “And I’d like to speak to Bardin and Ransey at some point”.

“In the meantime I’ll put some more warm flannels on you”, said Joby, turning to the door “I’ll go and ask Ad to boil up some water”.

“Joby”, said Kieran, grabbing his friend’s wrist “Try and tell everyone to think as positively as they can. I know it’s not easy in these weird circumstances, but tell them to muster up as many good thoughts as possible. And they’re certainly not to worry about me!”

“Worry about HIM?!” Julian exclaimed “He’s probably thoroughly enjoying it!”

“You’re a right one you are aint you?” said Hillyard, who was sharpening a razor prior to giving Julian a shave in his cabin.

“Well it’s probably true!” said Julian “He loves all this persecution stuff. All that Irish Catholic masochism will be well to the fore”.

“No I don’t think he is enjoying it”, said Hillyard, sombrely “That toothache was bloody awful, and I’ve seen the boils. As sore as hell. He says the demons are doing the pain on purpose, to try and stop him thinking, getting his thoughts straight. He says they probably want him in full-on panic mode. And now he’s starting to get nasty blisters as well. I feel sorry for the poor little bastard. Some of the things the evil shits have done to him over the years …”

“OK OK”, said Julian “When you’ve finished threatening me with that razor, go and dig a bottle of brandy out of the hold. I know he’s got his Magic Whisky Bottle in there, but you really can’t beat a decent bottle of brandy at times like this. And not that paint-stripping cooking brandy Adam has in the galley either. He’s got enough problems as it is without drinking that as well!” *

By late afternoon Kieran had also developed blisters on his feet, very reminiscent of bad insect bites. Finia and Joby were busy constantly draping fresh damp cloths all over him. Bardin and Ransey came in to speak to him about 5 o’clock.

“Good God, you look as if you’re on your death-bed”, said Bardin.

“Thanks Bardin”, said Kieran “You must be the feelgood clown”.

“That awesome Sagittarian tactfulness strikes again”, said Finia.

“Well there’s no point me telling him he’s looking well is there!” said Bardin “Probably best if you stay in here for the time being, or you might unnerve everybody”.

“Bardin, I have to hand it to you”, said Kieran, trying not to laugh “You’d make an amazing hospital visitor”.

“Hey that’s a point”, said Joby “Why the fuck didn’t I think of it before? Get Dr Xavier in here, we’ve got our very own resident MO, right on tap, and it never occurred to me!”

“We don’t need his help”, said Finia, firmly.

“It might do no harm to get some advice off him”, said Ransey “I know you’re going to argue that this is a spiritual matter, but it’s manifesting in physical ways, and as Joby says, he is a doctor”.

“Ask him to come in when we’ve finished with our little meeting”, said Kieran.

“OK”, said Finia, rolling his eyes “But I don’t see that he can do anything we can’t”.

He scooped up the used cloths and left the room.

“OK fellers”, said Kieran, trying to shift into a more comfortable position “The reason I asked you in here was to suggest a few things. Ransey, could you power up the wireless set this evening”.

“Is that a good idea?” said Ransey.

“I don’t believe the Magnolia Cove brigade will follow us here”, said Kieran “It’s more to see if you can pick up any news from the rest of this world. I’d like to know if the Magnolia Cove malaise is just restricted to that area, or has it spread to other parts. It would be better if we knew wouldn’t it? We are going to have to be so careful from now on as to where we go. We’re effectively fugitives”.

“Alright”, said Ransey “But the merest hint of those miserablists and I’m shutting it down again immediately”.

“How long do we stay here?” asked Bardin.

“Give it another 24 hours”, said Kieran.

Bardin and Ransey left the room, and summoned Dr Xavier from the dining-room. It was impossible to do this discreetly, as the room was packed out. A murmur of unease ran around when it was clear that Kieran needed medical help. It was a good job for them that they didn’t see what was to unfold next in Kieran’s cabin.

Joby watched as the Doctor looked intently up and down Kieran’s body, making hmm noises as he went.

“I do wish you doctors wouldn’t do the whole hmm-ing routine”, Kieran tried to joke “It can be very unsettling”.

“Can we turn you over for a moment, Kieran?” asked the Doctor.

Kieran looked as though he was about to refuse, but he sighed, and uncomfortably he turned over onto his stomach. The Doctor carefully pulled up his t-shirt and exposed large lurid red scratch marks across Kieran’s back.

“For fuck’s sake, Kieran!” Joby exploded.

“Joby, don’t shout”, said Kieran “You’ll alarm everybody else”.

“Where did you get these?” asked the Doctor.

“I’m going to find that very hard to explain to a medical man like yourself”, said Kieran.

“Try me”.

“I was taken in my sleep over to the big ugly turd house out on the scrubland. It must have happened there. Demons do like their claw marks. Something must have swiped me there. I didn’t feel it at the time”.

“Well whatever caused it, the marks are real enough”, said the Doctor “We need to get some antiseptic cream on them, so that they can heal and stop any possible infection”.

“Finia has some”, said Joby “He calls it the miracle cure, works on anything. I’ll go and get some”.

He left the room.

“I don’t claim to know much about psychic attacks”, said the Doctor “But living and working in Zilligot Bay all those years I did come across my fair share of strange happenings. I once had a patient who was convinced he had been cursed by somebody. I told him that curses will only work if you believe in them”.

“There’s an element of truth in that”, said Kieran.

“He didn’t have any physical manifestations though, apart from the fact that he was very tired and run down. It’s somewhat different with you. I take it you do know how to protect yourself?”

“Plenty of prayer and self-care, and the trouble is it’s not going to happen all at once”.

“No, like any ailments these things can take time. Plenty of people used to come to me wanting miracle cures overnight. I had to tell them that you have to put the work in if you want good results, but I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that”, the Doctor gave a deep sigh “Sometimes I would also recommend that a patient remove themselves, if they could, from the situation that was having such a detrimental effect on them. We need to get you away from here”.

“I’ve said to Bardin and Ransey that just give it another 24 hours”.

“Well ideally I would say leave right away, but I assume you have valid reasons for the further 24 hours?”

“It’s just a gut feeling”, said Kieran “I can’t explain it very well at the moment”.

Chapter 8

Whilst Ransey disappeared down the other end of the ship to fiddle with the wireless set, Hillyard gave Kieran a bed bath.

“If you ask me”, said Hillyard “We should leave this place as soon as possible. You're being ripped to pieces here”.

“That's a wee bit of an exaggeration, Hillyard”, said Kieran “I'm actually starting to feel a bit of a fraud, lying here like this. After all, there's nothing seriously wrong with me. And the toothache is easing, so that's something anyway”.

‘Maybe”, said Hillyard, wringing out a flannel “What I want to know is, why don't those bastards come out into the open and fight us head-on?”

“Because at heart they're cowards”, said Kieran “They'd rather hide in the dark and subject us to psychological torture”.

“Why don't we just storm the place?”

“I don't advise that. I would worry about the impact of that place on everyone. It is the stuff of nightmares. I know we've seen some pretty grim things in our time, but … no. Remember the effect the Southern Land Mass had on Glynis? And that was just from staring into the cave! I can't take that risk on everyone. Huh! Some Vanquisher Of Evil I am! A bit of toothache and some skin problems, and I'm wiped out!”

“Now let's not have any of that”, said Hillyard “I always hated all that Vanquisher Of Evil nonsense anyway. It was stupid. You can't do everything, and there's no reason why you should”.

“I have to query what the point of us is then”.

“Can't we just live?”

Several of the others had wandered ashore to stretch their legs. Bengo was drawn again to the strange cell-like little place at the front of the Loud House. This time, staring at the bars, he heard a heavy, rasping breathing coming from within.

“Hey you there”, came a voice, sounding as if it had smoked 60-a-day for about a hundred years “Come closer”.

“No”, said Bengo “Even I'm not daft enough to do that!”

Out of the darkness a man's face loomed. It was bloated and puffy, tinged a thoroughly unhealthy purplish hue, and dotted with large boils.

“Fucking hell!” Bengo exclaimed.

“It's the Pox”, said the man “They've had me quarantined in here …”

“Bengo!” Bardin came bustling over “What did I tell you about this place? You can't be trusted …”

“Shut up, Bardy”, said Bengo “And look at him. Don't get too close”.

“It's the Pox I tell yer!” the man wheezed “I'm a traveller here like yer selves. When they saw me they locked me in here”.

“Is he real?” said Bengo “Remember the guy in the well the girls saw? Could he be a mirage as well?”

“What you talking about?” said the man.

“I don't know what's going on here”, said Bardin “But we can't take any chances. We need to alert the others”.

He blew sharply on his whistle.

With everybody safely back on the boat, Bardin went below deck to have a pace around in his cabin. Bengo was feeling tired by it all, and had deposited himself in an armchair by the empty fireplace, to resume darning a sock he had been working on earlier. Bardin paced up and done, biting on his fingernails. He suddenly stopped.

“I’ve got an idea”, he said.

“Oh no”, said Bengo.

“But I don’t think Kieran will like it”.

“Double oh-no”.

Bardin spun round and stared at Bengo.

“What are you doing?” he exclaimed.

“Mending my sock”, Bengo replied.

“That’s Finia’s job”.

“He doesn’t want to do it. Says he’s too busy nursing Kieran, and I don’t blame him. Anyway, I find it quite relaxing doing this. Plus I get a chance to sit down. What’s the big idea that no one will like but you will insist on us doing it anyway?”

“We’re leaving this place”, said Bardin “I’m tired of Kieran insisting we have to stay here. It’s too bloody dangerous. Look what it’s doing to him! I don’t see any point in us hanging around here. That … that person over there may well be a mirage, like the one the girls saw in the well, but I can’t take that risk. I can’t have everybody going down with Smallpox! Anyway, who’s captain around here, him or me?”

“We all know it’s you”, Bengo sighed “Who else could it be?”

Mutton Broth hurtled into the room.

“Bardin! Captain! Bardin!” he cried.

“Make up your mind which it is”, said Bengo.

“What now?” said Bardin.

“You must come up on deck right now”, said Mutton Broth, now hanging onto Bardin’s arm as if it was a life-raft “You must come and see this”.

“OK OK”, said Bardin, trying to shake him off “No need to hang onto me”.

“Well come now”, said Mutton Broth, urgently.

“OK!” said Bardin, allowing himself to be dragged out of the room.

Bengo made no effort to move. He was quite comfortable where he was, and was pretty certain he would hear all about it in no time.

“What was all that shouting about?” said Joby, appearing in the doorway.

“Mutton Broth entered Stage Left”, said Bengo “Something about something that had to be seen up on deck”.

“Oh God, what now?” said Joby.

“That’s what Bardy said”.

“Stop hauling me about like a sack of coal”, said Bardin, when they reached the top of the quarterdeck steps “I do know the way y’know”.

“Bardin!” Elaine called out “You must come and see this!”

“So I keep being told”, Bardin muttered, as he went over to join her.

In the far distance a row of figures could be seen crossing the wasteland to the north of the Loud House. They were moving away from the direction of the house. Many of were on horseback. Some on foot were dragging sledges of supplies, with dogs scampering alongside them. The people all appeared to be robed and hooded, like a bunch of Medieval monks, and from this distance it was impossible to make out their gender or looks. Distant laughter floated across the scrubland towards the occupants of the galleon.

“Anyone got any binoculars up here?” asked Bardin.

“Here, mate”, said Rumble, handing a pair over.

Bardin raised the glasses and adjusted them. He could see it was a mixed band of men and women, of varying ages. They all seemed blithely unconcerned about where they were, and oblivious, not just to the Loud House, but to the galleon and the yacht. They were clearly more intent on where they were going. They also seemed like quite a merry little band, with plenty of laughter, and a couple of them appeared to be singing.

“Is this another trap?” said Rumble, quietly.

“No I don’t think it is”, said Bardin.

As he spoke the figures vanished slowly, like film footage fading to nothing.

“Bardin, can I have a word?” said Julian, who was standing near the bulwark.

“Sure”, Bardin handed the binoculars back to Rumble and crossed over to him.

“I have a theory about all this”, said Julian, speaking to him in a confiding manner “I think whoever those people were they want us to follow them, and just for once I don’t think it’s something sinister”.

“That’s what I think too”, said Bardin “But Kieran seems pretty insistent on this staying-for-another-24-hours, and it’s pissing me right off at the moment”.

“He’s probably enjoying all these penances the demons are inflicting him with!” said Julian “Hillyard had a go at me for saying that, but I do wonder”.

“Even if that was true”, said Bardin “He wouldn’t risk the safety of the rest of us. I know Kieran does some odd things to himself at times, but he always puts the rest of us first”.

“That’s true”, Julian sighed “You need to go down and talk to him. Tell him what we’ve seen, and what we need to do. You’re going to have to be damn firm. He can be a stubborn little bastard. This is the time to exert your full Captainly rights. And tell him if he doesn’t like it he can lump it!”

Bardin nodded and turned to head back to the steps. H got in his way though, and asked if he could take an air-buggy up over the marshes for one last time before they left.

“Yes OK”, said Bardin “But don’t be too long about it. I suspect we’ll be leaving here before the day is out”.

At the bottom of the quarterdeck steps he found Ransey waiting for him.

“And what strangeness have YOU got to impart?” said Bardin.

“Nothing actually”, said Ransey “Couldn’t pick up a damn thing on the wireless set. I was bracing myself for anything. Kept thinking we might get some of that horrible chanting we heard at Nyx and Elaine’s old railway station. That was demonic enough. But there was nothing at all. Dead silence”.

“Well I guess that’s something anyway”, said Bardin.

“I’m going to disconnect it again”, said Ransey “Just wanted to check with you first”.

“Oh H is taking one of the air-buggies up for a quick spin if you want to join him”.

“I just might do so”.

Bracing himself for a verbal battle, Bardin squared his shoulders and marched down the long corridor to Kieran’s cabin. Kieran though was in no position to put up any kind of a fight. He was exhausted, and to Bardin’s alarm, he looked thinner and paler than ever. Cold sores had also broken out on his lips.

“You look dreadful!” said Bardin.

“These little visits from you really cheer me up”, said Kieran “I can hear one of the air-buggies, is H having a trip out?”

“Just having a last fly out over the area”, said Bardin “I don’t want any arguments from you, Kieran, but we’re leaving here the minute he gets back. If I wasn’t completely certain of it before, then looking at you, I am now. Those creatures over there are destroying you”.

“No they’re not”, said Kieran, weakly “It just looks that way. The trouble is, I’m absorbing a lot of the negative energy they’re chucking our way, and that’s why I’m not looking quite my best right now”.

“Why for fuck’s sake?!”

“Because I have to. I’m in a better position to absorb it than the rest of you. I’m a human shield. That’s not me bragging, it’s just the way it is. If you think I look bad, I dread to think what it would do to the rest of you!”

“The Pox victim in the cell”, Bardin muttered, and then exclaimed “What the fuck are we doing here?”

“I know much of this doesn’t make any sense”, said Kieran “But there is method in my madness, I can assure you. The Loud House is the only place where the powers-that-be in Magnolia Cove were not likely to follow us”.

“And they woud be worse than the demonic energies here?!”

Kieran nodded.

“Oh yes”, he said “You must believe me on this one. I would go so far as to say they’re worse than the vampires were at the old Ministry. That lot just wanted to feed and destroy. This bunch want to drain everybody and turn them into lifeless automatons. And that’s just for most of the population. With us, knowing we’re immortal, they would separate us all completely, and keep us in isolation for the rest of eternity. Could you imagine that? Because I don’t want to”.

“Who are they?” said Bardin, perching on the edge of Kieran’s bunk “WHAT are they? Another form of vampires?”

“Sort of”, said Kieran “But whereas the vampires we’ve had over past years have been physical creatures, who literally just want to feed on people, this lot are psychic vampires. They feed off people mentally, emotionally and spiritually. They can take human form, for conveniences sake, but most of the time they are fairly formless, like spirits in the After Life. They can sort of float across short distances, and they communicate telepathically”.

“They must have had to take human form to seize power in Magnolia Cove though”.

“They can only exist in it for short periods at a time. It consumes too much of their energy otherwise”.

“What is it they want from everybody?” asked Bardin.

“Ah now they’re like normal vampires in that way. They want the human race to be like a herd of catttle which they can feed on. By coming here we put ourselves out of their reach”.

“And what happens when we leave here?”

“We stick to our original plan”, said Kieran “And head northwards, eventually going round to the west coast. It is essential that we put as much distance between us and Magnolia Cove as possible. Now I know I said they can sort of teleport themselves, but they are limited as to how far they can go. Once again, it consumes too much energy for them otherwise. Distance is paramount for us. Even if it involves us going back to the Hiatus Island, which I know nobody would be really keen on, but just think of it as like an emergency back-up option”.

“What happens if they’re not confined to Magnolia Cove? That they’ve taken power in other places too?”

“Bardin, let’s cross that bridge when we come to it”, said Kieran.

Chapter 9

For once there wasn't a clamour of voices all wanting to join in the buggy flight. Instead, Ransey and H had to take one up by themselves. They flew reasonably low over the grim house out on the marshes. A couple more bodies had appeared on the wasteland at the back, looking as though they'd been hurled from the top windows.

A rear door opened and a grotesque figure emerged. It wore a grubby white nightshirt which it had bunched up around its waist, exposing it's private parts. A massive wang hung down lifelessly against its leg. It raised its skull-like face to the air-buggy, showing small, black, beady eyes, and a narrow slit where the nose should be.

“H”, said Ransey, quietly “Let’s get out of here. I’ve seen all I want to of this place”.

They landed the air-buggy back on the main deck of the galleon. Bardin was organising Rumble, Toppy and Nyx into going ashore. They were arranging scarves and towels around the lower half of their faces like surgical masks.

“Now you’re back you can come with us”, Bardin said to Ransey “We’re releasing the pox victim from the cell. Kieran’s idea. We need to stay well back from him though”.

“I’d sort of gathered that”, said Ransey.

The party went ashore. Bardin had primed everybody as to what was going to happen. Ransey was to stand guard at the bars of the cell, whilst Toppy shot out the lock on the wooden door to the side of the building.

“Come out!” Bardin ordered, his voice muffled by his scarf “And don’t do anything silly. We have a professional hitman with us, and it would be no trouble at all for him to put an end to your misery”.

The pox victim emerged blinkly into the daylight. He was emaciated and covered from head to foot in raised postules.

“Poor bastard”, Rumble muttered under his breath.

Bardin kicked a canvas bag towards the man.

“There are supplies in there to last you for a few days”, he said “If you use them sparingly”.

“Why are you doing this?” asked the man.

“No reason”, said Bardin “Other than that we don’t want to leave you here at Their mercy, and we can’t exactly take you with us, even if we wanted to”.

“Why don’t you just shoot me?” said the man, more out of curiosity than a tragic request.

Bardin forebore from answering that question.

“Our advice to you is to head South”, he said “Keep going for as long as you can. Just head in a straight line down the coast”.

“I know what you’re doing”, said the man “I’m to go back to Magnolia Cove. Where I came from”.

“Did you run away from there?” asked Nyx.

“I got out”, said the man “Escaped when I realised the truth about the Miserablist Regime. I had to be careful not to make it look like I was escaping, so I just calmly walked out of the office one day as though I was going on an errand. Even left my jacket behind on the chair to fool them I stole a fishing-boat and sailed up this way. I don’t know what happened to the boat. I assume They’ve destroyed it, to stop me leaving. Those damnable creatures got hold of me. I didn’t know about the Loud House, didn’t know what it was. I thought it was just a load of old ruins. Thought I could camp here for a while. The creatures shut me in there, and deliberately infected me with that fucking virus. I don’t know how much longer I have left”.

“People have survived the Pox”, said Ransey “Even with the pustules you have. Although you’ll probably be left with scarring”.

No one wanted to add that his chances of survival were severely compromised by his current state of ill health. The poor man probably realised that all too well.

“Why have I got to go back to Magnolia Cove?” he asked.

“Just head that way”, said Bardin “See how far you get. If you do reach it, try and get to the Miserablists. It sounds like you worked for them, so they will probably want to see you. Cover yourself and try to get close to them. You know the rest”.

“And if I’m free of infection before I get there?”

“That is entirely up to you. We will stay here until you’re out of range of this place”, said Bardin “And then we shall be leaving ourselves. Don’t look back. Just keep going”.

“One more thing”, said Ransey “Do you know if there are any other regimes like that in the world?”

“Good question”, said Bardin.

“They are mainly based in Magnolia Cove”, said the man “Although I have the impression that their general philosophy of life is spreading to other areas. It’s almost a contagion like the Pox. They are very dangerous. I urge you not to go back to that area”.

“I don’t think we will be”, said Bardin “Not for a very long at any rate”.

Elaine stood up on the poop-deck, and watched as the man wended his way slowly along the coastal path, southwards. When the others came back on board ship, Nyx went up to see her, and the two siblings embraced.

“It’s OK, sis”, said Nyx, pulling the scarf down from over his face “He didn’t get anywhere near me”.

“He seemed to lunge at you at one point”, said Elaine “My heart was in my mouth”.

“I think he had trouble hearing a bit”, said Nyx “Just one of many of his problems”.

“What will happen to him?”

“I don’t think he’s got long to be honest. I doubt he will make it to Magnolia Cove. He’s in pretty bad shape. But at least this way he’ll die free in the open air, and not in that rancid dark cell”.

“Have you noticed another odd thing about this place?” said Elaine “The weather has never changed at all since we’ve been here. It’s just been this flatlined, still weather all along, with grey sky overhead”.

“I heard from the others once that that was what the weather in Hell is like”, said Nyx “It never changes, just one grey flatlining day after another”.

“It’s weird to stand here and not have my hair whipping about”, said Elaine “It’s like being in Limbo. Perhaps that’s what it is”.

“We’ve released the Pox victim”, Bardin announced, standing next to Kieran’s bunk and looking down at him “How far he’ll get is another matter”.

“Let’s leave that to the Lord to decide”, said Kieran, his voice croaky “He’s free from that lot over there, that’s the main thing. I dread to think how many have ended up in that large Turd House-type thing, never to come out again alive”.

“What if they follow him though?”

“I don’t think they will. It would take them out of their comfort zone. This is their area. What’s the time now?”

“About six o’clock”, said Bardin “It’ll be dark in a couple of hours”.

Kieran gave a smile.

“Do you fancy doing some night sailing?” he said.

“I sure do”, said Bardin.

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